A point from this week’s D’var Malchus with a relevant message. * Chinuch toward absolute kabbalas ol, a pluralistic chinuch, or a combination?
“Mommy, I have a question.”
“Go ahead, honey. In Chabad we are not afraid of questions because we know there are answers to all the questions. If I don’t know the answer, I will look for the answer and tell you later.”
“Mommy, why do we only eat the most mehudar hechsherim?”
“Why? Because that’s what Tatty said.”
“I know! But why? What’s the reason for it? And I have another question. Why don’t you let me eat at friends’ houses? Is that also because Tatty said? Why did he say that?”
***
A shofet-judge. You can’t ask why. There are no explanations, no understanding. Kabbalas ol. Period. When you get older you will understand. Kabbalas ol has its advantage, but the recipient has no real attachment or connection to the matter. He does not understand why he does something, and therefore will not have a deep connection to it.
Then there is this scenario:
“My dear son, last night, very late at night after you went to sleep, Tatty and I discussed the hechsherim we use in this house. We wondered whether we should be so strict or whether we could be more lenient. Tatty thinks that non-kosher food is like poison and we cannot compromise. Even if it’s a little bit of poison or there are those who maintain that there is poison, that is reason enough to forbid putting this into our mouth. We love you and are concerned about your spiritual health no less than your physical health.
“I had a slightly different approach. That if Chabad rabbanim rely on a certain hechsher, we don’t need to be the greatest tzaddikim in the world and we can be a bit lenient. We certainly should not forbid you from eating at friends who rely on these hechsherim. We talked it through, examined all the angles, and came to a decision for our family. Our decision is …”
That is the extreme version of the yoetz-advisor. It doesn’t have to be taken to such a degree but the recipient needs to understand that the idea is for his benefit. It doesn’t land on him from somewhere. He does it happily and willingly because it’s his. The disadvantage here is in the lack of kabbalas ol.
***
In the D’var Malchus for Shoftim, the Rebbe outlines a new approach, one which combines the judge and the advisor. The first thing we do is put the shoter-policeman aside. The policeman era is over. No physical threats, no uncompromising demands and no shutting of mouths. No policemen!
Then we combine the judge and the advisor. We need the strength from Above, the kabbalas ol to Hashem, and at the same time, we need to relate to the desire of the mekabel to understand. Not everything must be explained and not everything needs to be done with kabbalas ol. But it is necessary to see how to implement both.
We always need to find the combination, with ourselves too, to see how we are doing things with kabbalas ol and also trying to understand, to feel, to be connected… The same with influencing others: children, students, mekuravim, etc. - to find the pathways to their heart so they don’t remain only with “so it was decreed on High,” but connect with and internalize the idea.
Excessive elaboration can cause us endless confusion. The point is not to spell out every step of the thought process I went through until I arrived at the conclusion, but not to be left with, “that’s the Jewish way.”
We should say, “I decided thus,” but add an explanation about why it is good for you. And don’t worry, they know how to accept opposites better than us. They were born in the generation of Geula, they are Meshichoi!
Moshiach himself contains the qualities of both judge and advisor. In one word: Navi. A Navi brings us bounty from Above in words we can understand. The epitome of kabbalas ol is when it’s with the feeling that it’s good for me. Not just good, but the best!
In Geula, it will be complete. We will do everything without complaint, with complete kabbalas ol, and with genuine pleasure. Our avoda now is to start behaving this way, each of us with ourselves and with those around us, and with the entire world. To influence everyone to accept the malchus of the greatest judge and advisor of all, Melech HaMoshiach. May we merit the immediate hisgalus!