The amazing story of Zahava Gusyatinski, currently a shlucha in Ohr Yehuda, to whom emuna, bitachon and yearning, are not abstract concepts, but secure means to carrying out a woman’s shlichus of bringing children into the world.
By Moran Kors
MAZEL TOV FROM THE REBBE
I was 22 when I married my husband, Yaakov Avraham, on Rosh Chodesh Kislev 5760. Before the l’chaim, we wrote to the Rebbe in the home of Rav Gafni of B’nei Brak. The Rebbe’s blessing was, “With blessings of mazal tov on the upsheren of your son.”
We knew that we would be marrying with the Rebbe’s blessing and had even gotten a bonus blessing for a child, a blessing that would become very significant to us later.
Like every new couple, we looked forward to having children. At the same time, we were looking forward to going on shlichus to the Ukraine. I knew that over there, the hospitals were not exactly up-to-date, so right after the week of sheva brachos, I made an appointment with a well-known OB/GYN. I wanted to be sure that everything was fine so I could go on shlichus with peace of mind.
After three months of intensive, invasive tests, the doctor said that I had no chance of having children. She also said that since I had been on pills previously, that exacerbated my problem, so even if I had once had a chance of having children, I could forget about it now.
I was in shock. I figured it was because of this, in incredible divine providence, that we had neighbors who were childless for over 15 years; surely, Hashem wanted us to learn from them that a marriage can thrive even without children … Still, something inside me refused to accept this and make peace with the situation.
DROPPING THE NEWS
I went home and cooked a fine meal for my husband. When he came home from kollel he was surprised, “Wow, what a lot of work you put into this! Is there a special reason for this fancy meal?”
“Yes, I have news.”
“I’m listening …”
In a meek voice I said, “I didn’t know and you didn’t know that I can’t have children. Here are the papers that say so. You can walk out if you want.”
“What?! We have a promise from the Rebbe for a child! Even if we have just one child, that’s okay, as far as I’m concerned.”
Boruch Hashem. We waited anxiously to see the fulfillment of the Rebbe’s bracha.
Before going on shlichus, I asked my husband, “What do you think – should we adopt a child before we go? My brother also had fertility problems. He and his wife adopted a child and then had eight children.”
But my husband was adamantly opposed. “I know we will have children. We got a bracha from the Rebbe!”
WAITING FOR A MIRACLE
About two and a half months before we went on shlichus, we looked for a private doctor, so that everything that needed to be done would be done in Eretz Yisroel. I began treatments and when we left the country, I was in close touch with the doctor. I bought all the injections and medications in Eretz Yisroel and the doctor adjusted the dosages for each round of treatment.
And we waited for good news.
After half a year on shlichus, we returned to Eretz Israel to visit family for a month, go shopping for the next period on shlichus, and to meet with the doctor.
This time, I asked the doctor for a break. “We’ll let the Rebbe prove his blessing.” I was exhausted by the treatments and hoped that the awaited miracle would occur.
We returned for another year of shlichus and that summer, like the previous summer, we returned to Eretz Yisroel to shop and to recharge our batteries for the continuation of our shlichus.
It was two years since we married. We went back to our place of shlichus and continued treatments. It was hard, financially too. The shliach for whom we worked could no longer pay us a salary, but he sent me with his wife to the Kinus HaShluchos. I was sure that after the Kinus I would be expecting a baby. It just couldn’t be that after all the prayers and the mesirus nefesh of working without a salary, that a miracle would not happen now.
THE PROMISE IN HADITCH
I returned in uplifted spirits, but after a while we realized that without an income, because the shliach’s finances had not stabilized, we could not continue the shlichus that we loved so much.
We decided to leave, but not before making the rounds of the graves of tzaddikim. Although we lived nearby, we had never had the time to visit these holy places.
Now, for three days, we went from gravesite to gravesite, in the cold and snow. We went to the tziyun of the Baal Shem Tov in Mezhibuzh. From there we went to Rabbi Levi Yitzchok of Berditchev, in the middle of the night. We went to the Mitteler Rebbe in Niezhin and finally to the Alter Rebbe in Haditch. At all of them, we cried and prayed, but at the Alter Rebbe, my heart opened and the prayers poured out from the depths of my heart. I promised: If you give me a son, his bar mitzva will be here.
This time, I was certain; the miracle would occur imminently.
FINAL CHANCE
We returned to Eretz Yisroel in Shevat, after three years on shlichus. This time, the doctor told us he could treat us just one more time since he was leaving the country and emigrating abroad. Unfortunately, the treatment did not work again. I was devastated; now I’d have to start over again with another doctor … The doctor, who wasn’t yet religious, encouraged me and said I did not need him to conceive; only G-d, He and my husband were the only partners.
Right before his flight he agreed to see me one final time. “This time,” he said, “pray, because only faith and prayer will help here.” I rent the heavens and boruch Hashem, in Iyar I was informed of the news we had been waiting for.
Eleven months after my promise at the Alter Rebbe, we had a son! Of course, we named him Shneur Zalman. He was a gift, born 24 hours before my husband’s birthday.
We missed shlichus and so, when Shneur Zalman was a month old, we met with Rabbi Lazar, Chief Rabbi of Russia. He suggested we go on shlichus to Russia or Azerbaijan. We decided to fly to Azerbaijan when Shneur would be five months old.
WHEN HAIR GROWS ON THE PALM OF MY HAND …
When Shneur was a year, I began having hormonal problems. We were invited to an evening of friends of Israel at the local embassy and I met with someone who was a fertility doctor. I told her my story and she was happy to hear that I had a child because, she said, the chances of that happening in my condition were nil. She made recommendations to balance my hormonal situation.
I was upset over her bleak prognostication. The very next day, I decided to go to an OB/GYN at a local hospital. After I was put through a thorough examination, she also stated, “You cannot naturally bring children into the world. That you did, was a one-time miracle; that doesn’t mean you will experience additional miracles.” In other words, be happy you have a child. “You have no chance of giving birth; it would be more likely for hair to grow on the palm of my hands than for you to conceive again.”
“But I want more children!” I decided I was not going to accept that decree and after some discussion, she sent me for an ultrasound and blood tests. I waited on line and sobbed silently. I went in for the test in tears. Shockingly, the doctor who did the ultrasound told me I was eight weeks pregnant! I was ecstatic. I took the results back to the doctor who sent me for the test and she said, “You Jews are walking miracles; there is no natural explanation.”
It’s amazing to think that after each time we went on shlichus, we merited to have a child!
My husband flew to the Rebbe to thank him for the fulfillment of his promise to us, his shluchim. We did for him, and he did for us, in a supernatural way. We returned to Eretz Yisroel for the birth and Sarah was born.
WHY ARE YOU CRYING?
Here, in Eretz Yisroel, we had to rebuild our life. My husband worked at whatever jobs he could get: as a watchman, in a warehouse, etc. until the shliach at the airport asked him to join him there.
Sarah was two and I wanted more children! My father was sick and when I cried he asked me, “Why are you crying?” I said, “I want more than two children.”
“Say thank you for the two that you have; they aren’t a given.” A few days later, he passed away. I felt that I had to give birth to a son during the year of mourning, so I began treatments again.
Once again, we saw the blessing of shlichus. The Rebbe does not remain in debt. In conjunction with the beginning of my husband’s shlichus work at the airport, I was informed that I had conceived a third time. Thank you Hashem!
THE DREAM
But the challenges had not ended. At one checkup, I was told I would give birth either to a child with dwarfism or with Down Syndrome. The doctor said to abort, and added, “You will not be able to handle it.” The doctors saw that we were not receptive. The Rebbe gave me the strength to handle this difficult time. He encouraged me through the Igros Kodesh, “health for mother and baby.”
One night, I had a dream about the Rebbe in which he asked for a shluchim couple to come for the Shabbos meal, and we were picked! During kiddush, I noticed that the Rebbe’s hand was trembling. I asked the Rebbetzin, “Why is the Rebbe’s hand trembling? How old is he?”
The Rebbetzin looked at me and asked, “Don’t you know how old the Rebbe is? Don’t you say the Rebbe’s chapter [of T’hillim]?” And the dream ended.
I woke up in the morning and called my brother, my “rabbi.” After hearing the dream, he asked, “Don’t you say the Rebbe’s chapter?” I responded that no, I didn’t.
“Then, first of all, the time has come to start, and don’t worry, the Rebbe will perform miracles. Kiddush in a dream might be a sign that you’ll have a son. All is well; don’t worry, and don’t forget to say the Rebbe’s chapter every day, so the Rebbe will watch over you.”
After the dream and saying the Rebbe’s chapter, I felt more confident that Hashem was with me and with my baby and was accompanying us all the way to a fully healthy birth.
A CHAPTER OF T’HILLIM FOR JAUNDICE
I gave birth to Yishai about two years after my father died. He was born on the same shift as the doctor who said to abort him. Right after the birth, they checked the number of fingers and toes, saw that his eyes were straight, and they did other tests that came out fine. We breathed a sigh of relief that all was well, boruch Hashem.
He developed jaundice and there was talk about postponing the bris. My brother immediately asked me, “Are you saying the Rebbe’s chapter?”
“Wow, I forgot. I still haven’t gotten back to myself since the birth.”
That day I began saying the chapter again, the bilirubin went down and the bris took place on time.
THE REBBE TAKES CARE OF A SHLIACH
After my third birth, they told me that it was dangerous for me to become pregnant again. They had discovered that I have inflammation of the joints. “Enjoy your three healthy children; enough!” said the doctors time and again. But how could I stop praying for children? That was all that I wanted!
I pleaded with Hashem for another child. After listening to my rav and following his instructions, I conceived and gave birth a fourth time, without treatments, in an utter miracle. My Michali arrived. The doctors could not understand how, in my state of health, I had had a child without treatments. Here too, we were shluchim in Yahud.
When you are a shliach, the Rebbe looks out for you.
CLOSURE
When my husband and my son, Shneur Zalman, celebrated his bar mitzva at the tziyun of the Alter Rebbe, they called me from the hospital to say that the inflammation of the joints was gone. The treatment had helped after four years of a painful illness.
My ordeal with the doctors began with my first pregnancy and ended when we went back to thank the Alter Rebbe for five things: our four children and my illness that went away.
IN SUMMARY
Throughout the difficult periods: 1) the bracha of the Rebbe kept me going, and 2) I always knew that when I am on shlichus, I am connected to the Rebbe in a special way. I am like the Rebbe’s daughter and a father takes care of his family; the Rebbe was taking care of me. According to the doctors, we weren’t going to have any children, but in the merit of mesirus nefesh for shlichus, we were blessed.
TIPS
One: Don’t believe doctors except for the good things they tell you. They see only to the extent humans can see and do not have the power to determine anything. If I had listened to them, I would not have had children today.
Second: Igros Kodesh. The Rebbe’s letters were rays of light that restored our faith and bitachon in Hashem and gave us the strength to continue hoping.
Third: Do not despair. When you do the Rebbe’s shlichus, he takes care of you. The Rebbe does not remain in debt!