MASTER STRATEGIES TO OVERCOME JEALOUSY

By Mrs. Itty Chazan

The lively and cheerful music stopped with an abrupt, sharp bang on the drum. Dancers took the moment to chat amiably. Dina stood in the now broken circle, watching her former classmate Chava laugh heartily. With a tug at her heart she recalled miserably that that’s how it had always been. Chava. Popular Chava. The heart of the party, charming, fun, well-liked Chava.

Dina stood there forlornly. Personal pride prevented her from approaching the group, and with a slight frown she joined her own table for the main course at the wedding. The music started once again and Dina felt a light tap on her shoulder. There stood Chava, softly taking Dina’s hands in her own and round and round they twirled, a pleasant sensation between them. At that moment, the last vestige of jealousy melted and was finally gone! Dina marveled at the fact that all along Chava must have known. And despite Chava being innocent, she took the initiative to befriend Dina, having discerned the jealous nature within.

How can we avoid the trait of jealousy?

Jealousy is a tiny thread deep inside that stealthily weaves into a tapestry of pain and immature lies. Why is it that when we view another person’s glorious achievements, we simultaneously fail to see our own inner triumphs? Why is it, that when we glimpse at another person’s fame, affluence and honor, we feel crushed, inconsequential and poor? Why is it, that when we witness another person’s popularity, we feel isolated, forgotten and neglected?

How is it that qualities praised in another person damage our own truly beautiful unique talents and contributions?

It’s that tiny thread, the scheming yetzer ha’ra, stealthily moving along the path of destruction and deception. Was Dina isolated at the wedding hall? Was she criticized, neglected or ignored? Yet viewing her classmate’s popularity instantly transformed her into a lowly picture of intense displeasure.

Chava’s cheerful disposition with her large circle of friends provided Dina with a hefty pack of lies. Hadn’t Dina entered the wedding hall enthusiastic? Yet looking across the dancing floor at Chava’s endearing personality, lies and anger surrounded her.

You don’t matter. You are not valued. You are not appreciated. You are not needed. But honestly, what is the connection between Chava’s comfortable circle of friends to Dina not being valued? How do these lies carry such enormous weight to deny Dina the truth, the truth that another’s popularity is not synonymous with one’s own personal failure?

Each and every single Dina and Chava in the world, every man, woman and child without exception, has his or her singular gift to give to the world. Each and every single Yid is a Divine creation of Hashem, given an individual, personal mission in life. That is the reason why every person is born one at a time. Even twins are born one at a time! For thousands of years, Hashem waits for each one to accomplish the mandate of his Neshama, which can be carried out exclusively by him alone.

Yet jealousy weaves its dangerous path, shattering man’s power to fulfill his personal mission for which he was created. Jealousy creeps along a vicious path, obstructing man’s desire to conquer his portion in the world. Jealousy wages a war so cruel, that though a man possesses a marvelous family, he only notices and is jealous of his wealthy neighbor next door. Though a man has acquired outstanding success, he is jealous of and focuses on the popular neighbor next door. Though a man possesses amazing oratory skills, he is angered by the magical written word of his creative friend. Though a man possesses deep intellectual wisdom, he is chagrined by the sportsmanship of his agile competitor.

In the chains of jealousy, we suffer from our neighbor’s joy in life. Chava can never replace Dina. Chava’s charm, popularity and wit can never replace Dina’s responsibility to herself, her community and to the world. That’s how the creation was mastered. Hashem desires and is dependent on both Chava and Dina.

The moon apparently did not agree. Does Hashem intrinsically need two equal planet powers to illuminate the world? “One king suffices,” the moon cried out! Why was it that when the newly created moon irradiated the entire world with her luminous shine, did she notice the brilliant hues of her scintillating sunny neighbor next door? Bitter consequences were the result of her jealous nature. The moon was diminished immediately. And yet, even then Hashem appeased the moon with Rosh Chodesh, a calendar based on the moon and more. We thus appreciate, that at the moment of intense jealousy, Hashem is holding our hands and strengthening our ability to triumph.

Yet jealousy, a Midda created by Hashem, is double sided. The powerful jealous nature can be positive too.

The streets of Berditchev were packed. Children shouted with delight as the school bell signaled the end of yet another productive day. Women hurried to the market place to purchase fish for Rosh Hashanah and the melodious voices of men learning wafted through the windows. Suddenly the holy Reb Levi Yitzchok of Berditchev was seen striding quickly towards a villager. In a quiet corner, the Tzaddik turned to the villager and whispered, “I am jealous of you.”

“Holy Rebbe, how could a Tzaddik of your stature be jealous of me, a lowly sinner?”

“Indeed,” explained Reb Levi Yitzchok. “Just imagine. When you do T’shuva, all your sins are transformed into Mitzvos! Why then, you will surely have more Mitzvos than me!” After earnest pleading with love, the villager repented.

As we all introspect during the three weeks on the cause and source of the destruction of the Beis HaMikdash, our own inner personal struggles and the normal human characteristics each person struggles with in his daily life, it is a unique occasion to gain an added measure of strength. We ought to harness the strength to use jealousy as a channel to emulate our kind, creative, talented, wise or wealthy neighbor next door. Jealousy can be a springboard upon which we fight a profound inner war and achieve victory. Though Chava may be the ball of the party, Dina can still rejoice, knowing that there will be her special occasions when she will be the star. Hashem truly needs her and her distinct gifts, in His world master plan.

Light as a bird, I soar in my new freedom, no longer shackled by the nagging creepy sadness that fills my heart each time I witness success outside of me. With a spring in my step, I thank Hashem for assisting me to jump over my narrow straits of jealousy, for I recognize that I too will be in the spotlight. Perhaps popularity will elude me in the classroom, on the dancing floor or at a party, yet I now know that a non-jealous trait will attract friendships.

I know, that as I strengthen my own war against jealousy, Hashem hastens to build the third Beis HaMikdash, and the era ofובאותו  הזמן לא יהי’ שם לא רעב ולא מלחמה, ולא קנאה ותחרות , that when the Rebbe reveals himself, there will be no hunger nor war, no jealousy nor competition, for the Rambam describes the Moshiach era as a time when goodness will flow in abundance. May it be right now!